I am constantly reminding myself of how beautiful life has been for me, especially since I moved back home. I thought I would hate the return, but it’s one of the best decisions I’ve made, truth be told. It’s exactly what I need in my life, after a year and a half of being unhappy in Melbourne.
I am so appreciative of all the friends I have here, both old and new. I have met some amazing ladies and I cannot wait to continue nurturing my sisterhood with these women. I love being surrounded by kind, intelligent, successful, passionate women - they drive me insane with their beauty. I long to be like them someday.
I must admit, the past few weeks have been hectic for me. I believe I have been true to myself, but I have been prioritising others before me, yet again. It always falls into this same cycle, this same routine. The only difference is now I am aware of the warning bells, the signs that tell me I need to be there for ME first and foremost, before I can be good to anyone else.
Now that I feel I am slightly more grown than I was 2.5 years ago, I have enough respect for myself and for my loved ones to be able to tell them, No. I can’t. Not today. Maybe tomorrow. I need some time for me. I cannot jump into new relationships before I am completely at peace with myself, before I am content with who I have grown into as a person. I do not want to be insecure, incomplete, inhibited at all in the way I express myself. You cannot love a person that way, not completely, not selflessly. When I am happy with who I have become as a person, then I can make others happy too.
I am grateful for the life I am able to lead here. For the beauty in nature I am witness to everyday. It warms my heart and feeds my soul. It humbles me. It reminds me that there is peace and beauty in everything.
For the first time in my life, I am proud of not just who I am, but how I express the person I am. I no longer want to compromise myself for anyone else’s sake. I no longer feel I am worthless or uninteresting, needing to change and alter myself to please a specific person.
I will grow to become a person who I can love, and I will love myself.
I will love myself first.